When we wonder about how much we bring in ourselves and how much comes from Spirit.
Yesterday during a coaching session a new spirit guide came in. She was so real, I could see her, feel her, smell her, and hear her voice. It was as if she was right next to me. Spirit guides aren’t always this visceral for me. Sometimes there is just a knowing or I hear them, but every once in a while they come in fully-formed. Later in a meditation a young wounded version of myself came forward. She was taken by the new guide and held and washed and cared for; she was loved. Together, it all made perfect sense. I felt so lucky to have this wonderful new guide in my life, and so happy that she could help with this wounded child in me. The guide was the personification of a caring non-mother mother-figure - a devoted nanny of sorts.
About four hours later the doubts crept in. The guide stayed with me strong and “felt” for about an hour and then she was harder to sense. I thought it was because she was taking care of the child so I didn’t think much of it. I asked and she said “yes” from somewhere far away, down a corridor and in a closed room. With that distance between us I started to wonder why this shape and form? Why now? Nothing like this had ever come to me before. It isn’t something I would usually think of. You see she was a large black woman who was not my mother but she was emanating unconditional love and care for me. She was strong and loving and there for me. Everything felt safe and right with her. But why this throwback to an outdated and often unjust southern lifestyle archetype? I had never related to plantation life or even life in the south. On an emotional and an intellectual level this made no sense.
Then I started to connect the dots. I had been to a gospel brunch two mornings before, my first ever and it was incredible. I sat there surrounded by amazingly strong black women singing the praises of Jesus and I thought how wonderful it would feel to be in their family. How amazing life would be if I were born a strong black woman with strong black mother. (Yes, I know of the disadvantages I would face, the racism, the hate, the lack of opportunities and everything else that goes with being born black in America--but I was focused on the strength and the love of the Lord--one moment in time.)
So there was the link. I had imagined this new spirit guide because I had just been to the gospel brunch. So, how much of it is real and how much of it is my imagination bringing in something I want? I really loved this woman so I was not ready to give her up just yet. But I am not one to trick myself and I do not shy away from investigating the validity of anything—even my own beliefs. So it needed to be examined.
Later that night I was listening to a video lesson from Dakota Earth Cloud Walker (Gaia Wisdom School), one of my favorite teachers and people, and she touched on this exact dilemma. People often ask “how do I know if it is real or if I’m just making it up.” Dakota explained that our intuition and our imagination work together to provide us the guidance we need. I loved the simplicity of her words. You see our guides will show up in a form that we can relate to at that time, something we will understand. Really they don’t have form, but it is much easier to learn swimming from a dolphin than to learn it from a glowing ball of light. It is much easier to understand and feel unconditional love from a large, strong, but soft woman than from an energetic vibration of unconditional love. So I gave the Universe something to work with. When Spirit needed to show me unconditional love, there was something to work with--an opening had been created when in my heart I said I so enjoyed the gospel brunch and wished for that energy in my life. I didn’t make it up so much as I opened a door to another room filled with even more associations for Universe to work with.
And don’t for one second think it is coincidence that I was at that gospel brunch before I went into this coaching session and was asked to look at this aspect of the wounded child in me. It was all set up in divine order. I encourage you to trust your intuition, allow your imagination to expand, and embrace the growth and change that will naturally occur when you are living in Spirit. Sometimes a headache is just a headache, but often it is a sign of something deeper.
This new spirit guide is welcome in my life and I hope she stays around a very long time. The next time you wonder about how much you bring in yourself and how much comes from Spirit, know that EVERYTHING comes from Spirit. Every little thing, every big thing, every imagined thing, every lucky incident, every streak of bad luck, just everything. It is all from Universe, Spirit, God, Goddess, Source, whatever you are comfortable calling it; and it is all here to teach us something. So pay attention to the big and the small, the imagined and the ordinary. Pay attention.